Want to be self-sufficient

[RMM]

I only wished I would have been blessed to have been adopted to have a family as a child. I only wanted to be normal and be loved. At times I felt no one knew I even existed.
It’s very humiliating needing to write and ask for help especially being the cause of why we are in this situation.
I am having my wife write this to you for me as I don't know how to be self-sufficient.
I am 42 years old and I have not told many. I meet my wife 12 years ago as prior to that I did not know what a family was like as I was kid who prayed to be able to go to school when others kids didn’t want to go. I was kept home to hide bruises and whelps from abuse so my mom's husband or boyfriends or she wouldn’t get into trouble. I was 4 and tattooed by force, beatings with extension cords numerous, metal holding one leg and my arm together.
I would at times run to woods to keep from being beat for no reason and other adults would turn heads as if they didn’t see it. My only friend was a stray dog.
For years I had no shoes and walked bare footed. Holidays would go by I only got a turtle neck and that was to cover my bruises. My mom didn’t want to leave until the abuse started on her and my sister. He was my sister’s dad who was 7 years older than me.
He was away serving country when my mom got pregnant with me. I know now it was my fought. I was physically and mentally abused in ways unimaginable. When the abuse started on my sister and mother then they decided to leave years of abuse had already been done to me. We moved to Indianapolis from Kentucky. I was older, no education, no clothes and only made go to school so my mom wouldn’t go to jail and she lived with people who kids went.
I couldn’t read or write and was much bigger than other students who had been tattooed as a toddler and looked at like I was a bad kid. I then became mentally as used by other kids and made fun of for being poor. My mom wouldn’t ever allow me to stay or live were I would be taken care of because she lived off what welfare she got on me. I even begged the schools at times to help and then I’d always get in trouble when I got home. I never knew who my dad was and had no family.
I later tried to get away to be self-sufficient and stay with friends when I got older to be able to eat. I was in a wheelchair from my mother’s boyfriend being drunk and wrecked while I was in the car. I was and a coma for months and have metal holding arm and leg/foot together.
I remember a neighbor pushing me in her house and putting me in the shower with her and being a good person and washing me and feeding me. II’ll never forget that lady as she would bring me food until my mother started an argument with her one day and then we moved again. As I had cast over most of my body and couldn’t t help myself as my mom would leave for days. We moved every time rent was due as she spent the money on herself rather than food or clothes for me. Life of misery till I meet my wife
I meet my wife and made a good adult life and helped me. I tried to work as a child but had no social security card nor would my mother give me one so they’d only work me a couple days. They wouldn’t give me one without a parent under age 18.
My wife but then my girlfriend and I worked to get what was needed to live normal in life. We focused on positive and made a good family life I had always dreamed. First night we lived in our own place was best feeling in world. I knew I had to work very hard physically to make up not being able to read and write. Some think I am slow. Which I am but don mean I don t have a heart.
I have worked and worked physical hard labor some 12 to 14 hours a day 7 days a week as I got older I had to get more help or do different work. I was so happy to be able to take my kids school shopping or buy them shoes and go to grocery store not waiting on food stamps.
To most recent my wife became ill after her father had past we didn’t t know it was as serious as they said but believe it cause she a struggled Witt physical things. She has a form of neuromuscular disease and while this was going on I had picked up as much work as I could and thought I was just tired and exhausted but after numerous visits to doctors and surgeries later I am permanently disabled from injuries received from being abused and neglected. I was in denial but thank full for finding doctors who would listen to me and not judge me.
Over the years I have been judged. I'd didn’t ask for the scars, tattoos or the speech problem. I don't have real good social skills. Best feeling in world was having a place to call home and an actually bed to sleep in. I never had that as I had slept on floors even concrete porches at times. It’s really a miracle I even made it to 10 years of age.
I have doctors now who help me and understand. I am devastated that I am not able to work at my age and provide like I once was as my doctors say I should have not been able to a long time ago. I am awaiting another surgery as first ones failed. I get no oxygen to my brain from nasal as it was damaged as I was kicked in face with military boot at a young age and wasn’t taken to get looked at by a doctor and fixed.
As adult I have had fixed as much as I could but surgery never lasted permanently just temporarily. I forget how to get to a place I have been to several times or forget simple things. Doctors have medical terms for all this stuff wrong with me. I did get social security but at my young age it’s not making ends meet being so far behind when I started receiving it.
I want nothing more but to be self-sufficient again. Watched my wife try for months now on finding help and had very little luck. Not asking for nothing fancy just simple and basic. Being able to rest without worrying something going to get shut off. We have tried and tried resources
It’s bad enough suffering from pain and lack of oxygen as I stay tired not being able to get rest waiting on doctors to try to figure out a way to correct the damage in nasal / facial area. It won’t fix everything.
I wanted to help my wife so much and let her rest during her medical problems and focus on getting her a ranch as stairs are very hard for her. And here we all struggling with so much more. Being short a little each month has put us in a terrible situation. I have a handful of bills some small but add up that could help us getting closer to becoming self-sufficient or if not risk for being homeless. We are so very scared. As a man I want to be a good provider and not able to. I am only simply trying to survive not die.
We have ran out of resources out of hundreds to even try. We have never been in this situation and are very scared trying to move forward each day struggling feels I am reliving all the terrible things that caused this and I want to move past it once again. I spent many years helping others especially kids with no school clothes and now unable to provide for my own is really terrible.
I could come sit down and speak with you or anyone else. I’d be forever grateful and now it would help a family truly in need. I spend a lot of days at doctors and having test and my wife has been debilitated days with her neuromuscular disease. We try our best to balance things out and make do with what we got. We worked so hard for over 20 years for all to be sold to survive in a blink of an eye. Our life savings we had saved for kid’s education went on medical and surviving prior to social security. There is help for vets and families but no help from those who suffer from what vets done.
If there is someone else I can speak with that can help please. Time is of the essence. We have no family! I pray for help and I am scared as I prayed as a child and no one heard or knew I even existed please don't ignore me now. My wife and children are so great and caring it’s my responsibility to take care of them and unable to right now. I worked even when doctors told me not to. I can no longer do that I am ill.
I pray for help and pray to help us as a family who wants to stay together. My wife strength is what gets me through. She has strong faith and even she is having a hard time during this all. My father in law who became the only father I knew taught me so much as we helped with his cancer care and sadly I feel I have let him down and unable to provide for his daughter and our kids. Please help me pray for fairness and just sleep without wondering when it’s storming if lights will go out and not come back on.

[Admin]

Good for you in trying to improve yourself and circumstances. Many community action agencies will help people. They often have formal case management programs in place that stress self-sufficiency. Every aspect of your life is reviewed...income, debts, job, relatives, child, parenting, and more. To make the self-sufficiency programs work you need to be open and honest. So try them, and more on self-sufficiency programs.

I only wished I would have been blessed to have been adopted to have a family as a child. I only wanted to be normal and be loved. At times I felt no one knew I even existed.
It’s very humiliating needing to write and ask for help especially being the cause of why we are in this situation.
I am having my wife write this to you for me as I don't know how to be self-sufficient.
I am 42 years old and I have not told many. I meet my wife 12 years ago as prior to that I did not know what a family was like as I was kid who prayed to be able to go to school when others kids didn’t want to go. I was kept home to hide bruises and whelps from abuse so my mom's husband or boyfriends or she wouldn’t get into trouble. I was 4 and tattooed by force, beatings with extension cords numerous, metal holding one leg and my arm together.
I would at times run to woods to keep from being beat for no reason and other adults would turn heads as if they didn’t see it. My only friend was a stray dog.
For years I had no shoes and walked bare footed. Holidays would go by I only got a turtle neck and that was to cover my bruises. My mom didn’t want to leave until the abuse started on her and my sister. He was my sister’s dad who was 7 years older than me.
He was away serving country when my mom got pregnant with me. I know now it was my fought. I was physically and mentally abused in ways unimaginable. When the abuse started on my sister and mother then they decided to leave years of abuse had already been done to me. We moved to Indianapolis from Kentucky. I was older, no education, no clothes and only made go to school so my mom wouldn’t go to jail and she lived with people who kids went.
I couldn’t read or write and was much bigger than other students who had been tattooed as a toddler and looked at like I was a bad kid. I then became mentally as used by other kids and made fun of for being poor. My mom wouldn’t ever allow me to stay or live were I would be taken care of because she lived off what welfare she got on me. I even begged the schools at times to help and then I’d always get in trouble when I got home. I never knew who my dad was and had no family.
I later tried to get away to be self-sufficient and stay with friends when I got older to be able to eat. I was in a wheelchair from my mother’s boyfriend being drunk and wrecked while I was in the car. I was and a coma for months and have metal holding arm and leg/foot together.
I remember a neighbor pushing me in her house and putting me in the shower with her and being a good person and washing me and feeding me. II’ll never forget that lady as she would bring me food until my mother started an argument with her one day and then we moved again. As I had cast over most of my body and couldn’t t help myself as my mom would leave for days. We moved every time rent was due as she spent the money on herself rather than food or clothes for me. Life of misery till I meet my wife
I meet my wife and made a good adult life and helped me. I tried to work as a child but had no social security card nor would my mother give me one so they’d only work me a couple days. They wouldn’t give me one without a parent under age 18.
My wife but then my girlfriend and I worked to get what was needed to live normal in life. We focused on positive and made a good family life I had always dreamed. First night we lived in our own place was best feeling in world. I knew I had to work very hard physically to make up not being able to read and write. Some think I am slow. Which I am but don mean I don t have a heart.
I have worked and worked physical hard labor some 12 to 14 hours a day 7 days a week as I got older I had to get more help or do different work. I was so happy to be able to take my kids school shopping or buy them shoes and go to grocery store not waiting on food stamps.
To most recent my wife became ill after her father had past we didn’t t know it was as serious as they said but believe it cause she a struggled Witt physical things. She has a form of neuromuscular disease and while this was going on I had picked up as much work as I could and thought I was just tired and exhausted but after numerous visits to doctors and surgeries later I am permanently disabled from injuries received from being abused and neglected. I was in denial but thank full for finding doctors who would listen to me and not judge me.
Over the years I have been judged. I'd didn’t ask for the scars, tattoos or the speech problem. I don't have real good social skills. Best feeling in world was having a place to call home and an actually bed to sleep in. I never had that as I had slept on floors even concrete porches at times. It’s really a miracle I even made it to 10 years of age.
I have doctors now who help me and understand. I am devastated that I am not able to work at my age and provide like I once was as my doctors say I should have not been able to a long time ago. I am awaiting another surgery as first ones failed. I get no oxygen to my brain from nasal as it was damaged as I was kicked in face with military boot at a young age and wasn’t taken to get looked at by a doctor and fixed.
As adult I have had fixed as much as I could but surgery never lasted permanently just temporarily. I forget how to get to a place I have been to several times or forget simple things. Doctors have medical terms for all this stuff wrong with me. I did get social security but at my young age it’s not making ends meet being so far behind when I started receiving it.
I want nothing more but to be self-sufficient again. Watched my wife try for months now on finding help and had very little luck. Not asking for nothing fancy just simple and basic. Being able to rest without worrying something going to get shut off. We have tried and tried resources
It’s bad enough suffering from pain and lack of oxygen as I stay tired not being able to get rest waiting on doctors to try to figure out a way to correct the damage in nasal / facial area. It won’t fix everything.
I wanted to help my wife so much and let her rest during her medical problems and focus on getting her a ranch as stairs are very hard for her. And here we all struggling with so much more. Being short a little each month has put us in a terrible situation. I have a handful of bills some small but add up that could help us getting closer to becoming self-sufficient or if not risk for being homeless. We are so very scared. As a man I want to be a good provider and not able to. I am only simply trying to survive not die.
We have ran out of resources out of hundreds to even try. We have never been in this situation and are very scared trying to move forward each day struggling feels I am reliving all the terrible things that caused this and I want to move past it once again. I spent many years helping others especially kids with no school clothes and now unable to provide for my own is really terrible.
I could come sit down and speak with you or anyone else. I’d be forever grateful and now it would help a family truly in need. I spend a lot of days at doctors and having test and my wife has been debilitated days with her neuromuscular disease. We try our best to balance things out and make do with what we got. We worked so hard for over 20 years for all to be sold to survive in a blink of an eye. Our life savings we had saved for kid’s education went on medical and surviving prior to social security. There is help for vets and families but no help from those who suffer from what vets done.
If there is someone else I can speak with that can help please. Time is of the essence. We have no family! I pray for help and I am scared as I prayed as a child and no one heard or knew I even existed please don't ignore me now. My wife and children are so great and caring it’s my responsibility to take care of them and unable to right now. I worked even when doctors told me not to. I can no longer do that I am ill.
I pray for help and pray to help us as a family who wants to stay together. My wife strength is what gets me through. She has strong faith and even she is having a hard time during this all. My father in law who became the only father I knew taught me so much as we helped with his cancer care and sadly I feel I have let him down and unable to provide for his daughter and our kids. Please help me pray for fairness and just sleep without wondering when it’s storming if lights will go out and not come back on.