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Abusive relationship and bipolar I

Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 11:33 am
by MayaBijou
Hello, I am in need of immediate assistance in Lake County, CA. I am disabled due to mental illness (Bipolar I) and am being forced to live under threatening circumstances in my “home.” My husband became my legal care taker in July, 2016 (the motivation for us getting married, so he could take family leave immediately and maintain income.) There has been a significant deterioration not only in the stability of the household, but also his attitude in having any obligation to be supportive, or keep my mental and physical wellbeing out of risk; there are certainly no caretaker responsibilities being valued or respected.
I have tried to leave the abusive environment twice as it progressively elevated. Unfortunately, my only option for alternative housing (my mother) is just as unstable. Neither of them are willing to seek and practice any therapeutic support; my doctor and I have both identified myself as the scapegoat for my family/husband’s unresolved personal issues. The last time I “fled” to my mother’s house from my current residence, she continuously reinforced how she feared for my mental and physical safety, and therefore it is not an option for me to go back (all of which I agreed with.) Unfortunately, my mother has been diagnosed with bipolar disease as well, but does not take the necessary actions to address and control it. The inevitable day came where she snapped on me, and in blind anger rage and physical contact expressed that I was not welcome there anymore; she drove me right back into the same (now even more unstable) environment, where on the first day my loving brother had to bring me food and water due to the living conditions the house was left in. Again, unfortunately even temporarily living with him is not an option for many reasons, but most recently because it is a volatile environment primarily due to drug abuse.
There is plenty more to the situation, but the reason I am any and all options or aid is because I have no options other than to come back to my husband’s house, whose instability had already escalated to abusive levels long ago, and only progressed. I left because of deceit and complete disrespect for simple boundaries I tried to set to ensure I can protect my stability, and attempt to continue recovery from my very long manic/rapid mixed-cycling episode I suffered from (I have since sought and used treatment, but that is ineffective in this hostile and deliberately destabilizing environment.)
In short, my husband had forced me to accept his brother living in the house (who has twice previously, each time more irrationally erratic and violent than the last) along with his 1 year old child. This forcibly started a couple weeks ago (I left, then came back) but has lasted months in the past. Aside from my recovery needing a place of calm where I don’t feel in fear and a prisoner of my own home constantly trying to dodge nonsensical blame or aggression, my husband previously had said this and many other things specifically would not happen, because it was obviously not a way for either of us to get our lives on track, and specifically it is too much for my fragile and isolated psyche. He is now choosing to ignore any previous discussions or plans, promises or boundaries. He is unwilling to compromise knowing better than anyone that it is impossible for me to have a chance at stabilizing with such a presence in the house - ESPECIALLY because he has continuously just done as he feels is right for him (and his brother), no matter how obviously damaging these choices are to me. And then I am expected to be on my best behavior and cater to them, while suffocating on my living situation being “nonnegotiable).
A little background, for the last two years my husband’s brother has been running from court charges (ranging from domestic abuse (2x), threatening lives I believe to officers specifically, kidnapping, using a false ID out of state, and many others I try not to concern myself with) so the tension of his presence is CONSTANTLY rising, and nearly entirely spent as a fugitive. He has tried to get violent and has an explosive temperament, not to mention is to this day awaiting trial, so he constantly carries those stresses and choices with him. He and his child have immediately taken the house as their own (I didn’t get informed the baby would be here until I saw her in our house) to the point where I (once again) feel irreversibly fearful and anxious in my own home, even if I try to isolate myself outside. I hear how frustrated he gets with his daughter, I watched him shake her too much last time as an infant, and he has two domestic issues in court in addition to an extensive record. My husband and I cannot afford to house either of them, and yet because there is no choice, I am having to sacrifice on food, medication, heat, etc. budgets for them. I apologize for the long essay, I am just didn’t know where to begin. There is a lot more backstory to this, but again, I am just desperate to find respite, transitional, temporary or low income/disability housing options so that I do not destabilize, as that is imminent.
Thank you very much for your time.

Re: Abusive relationship and bipolar I

Posted: Tue Feb 11, 2020 11:25 am
by Ugochukwu Asuai
I'm a bi-polar mother of 5 and our electricity is cut off. We have been staying at a friend's grandmother's house for the past two days after we left an abusive relationship and we would just like to go back to the comfort of our home trying to maintain our other utility bills and cost of living. Unfortunately our utility bills such as our electricity has been put off and now we are in a crisis situation and need any sort of help any amount would help.